12 Rules of Life By Jordan Peterson

12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson

Rule 1 : Stand up straight with your shoulders back

Peterson uses the analogy of lobsters to illustrate how posture reflects and influences social status and internal state. Dominant lobsters, with confident posture, thrive, while weaker ones internalize a "loser" status. This applies to humans as well. We constantly assess each other, and our posture influences how we're perceived. He connects posture to psychology, explaining how depression can become a negative feedback loop. Bullying can have lasting effects, leading to habitual submissive posturing.

Peterson stresses the importance of self-protective anger. The ability to be aggressive can, paradoxically, reduce the need for actual aggression. Standing up for yourself early sets boundaries. He recommends using "I don't" statements (rather than "I can't") and framing rejections impersonally. He cautions against naive assumptions about inherent goodness, warning that such naivete can invite abuse. Recognizing the potential for darkness within oneself can decrease fear and increase self-respect.

While acknowledging that some people may be stuck in negative patterns, Peterson emphasizes that change is possible. Positive feedback loops, like the Matthew Effect, demonstrate how small advantages can compound over time. Standing up straight is not just physical; it's metaphysical. It's about voluntarily accepting the burden of being and facing life's challenges.

Rule 2 : Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping

Peterson explores the paradox of how easily we care for pets while neglecting ourselves. He links this to shame and unworthiness, inherited from the story of Adam and Eve. We see ourselves as "fallen" and undeserving. He challenges the cynicism that assumes everyone is selfish, pointing out that many struggle with self-disgust. He reinterprets the Golden Rule as an equation: we must love ourselves before we can truly love others.

He highlights the everyday heroism of people coping with hardship. He argues that we deserve respect and are morally obligated to care for ourselves. This means treating ourselves with the same compassion we'd offer a loved one. This isn't about indulgence; it's about discerning what is truly good for us. Just as we guide children, we must guide ourselves towards virtue, responsibility, and health. We need to envision our best future, understand our limitations, and chart a course toward hope.

Rule 3 : Make friends with people who want the best for you

Peterson uses anecdotes from his hometown to illustrate how peer influence can shape lives. He discusses "repetition compulsion," where people unconsciously choose friends who replicate past traumas. He cautions against the "rescue complex," driven by vanity, and stresses that not everyone can be saved. He warns against assuming victimhood and emphasizes personal responsibility.

He suggests that some friendships are based on sacrificing the future for the present. He questions the motives of those who appear "good," suggesting they may prioritize appearances over genuine help. He recommends getting your own life in order before trying to rescue others. He emphasizes choosing friends who support our upward trajectory, challenge our negativity, and encourage our best selves.

Rule 4 : Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today

Peterson explains that comparing ourselves to others is natural in youth, but becomes less relevant as we mature. "Winning" isn't always external; it can be personal growth. He cautions against overvaluing what we lack and undervaluing what we have. "Good" isn't simply obedience; it requires a positive trajectory. He encourages readers to "dare to be dangerous" and articulate what justifies their lives.

He acknowledges the unease that comes with foresight and suggests self-assessment. He encourages using the past as a guide, but emphasizes the power to shape the future through small, consistent improvements. He discusses religion's role in providing values and defines faith as a commitment to the goodness of being. He advises examining our lives, identifying problems, and starting small. This aligns with "telling the truth," which is paying attention and negotiating with reality. This reduces envy and allows us to focus on personal growth.

Rule 5 : Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them

This chapter focuses on parenting, discipline, and instilling social norms. Peterson argues that parents act as representatives of culture, teaching children how to behave and preparing them for the world. It's about helping children become functional, responsible adults, not just about parental affection. It emphasizes the importance of setting clear boundaries and enforcing consequences. He stresses that parents should not try to be their children’s friends, but rather figures of authority who provide structure and guidance. He discusses the importance of teaching children to respect authority and to delay gratification.

Rule 6 : Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world

Peterson acknowledges life's cruelty but warns against resentment and hatred. While vengeance is understandable, it hinders positive change. He uses Solzhenitsyn as an example of individual transformation. He suggests that suffering is normal, but if it becomes unbearable and corrupting, it's time for self-reflection. He advises examining circumstances, fulfilling responsibilities, and addressing personal issues. He asks: "Have you cleaned up your life?" If not, he recommends starting by stopping what we know is wrong. He urges humility, suggesting we focus on our own lives before criticizing the world.

Rule 7 : Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient)

Peterson introduces the concept of the future as a "judgmental father" and the importance of sacrifice. He asks: what should be sacrificed? He explores the development of delayed gratification and the social contract. He suggests the greatest sacrifice is often what we love most. If our world isn't what we want, we must examine our values. He uses Abraham and Isaac and the story of Christ to illustrate this.

He revisits Adam and Eve, highlighting the knowledge of good and evil and its implications. He argues that the central problem is not just reducing suffering, but reducing evil. He discusses Christ's encounter with Satan, where Satan embodies the refusal of sacrifice. He emphasizes the importance of rejecting immediate gratification and the temptations of evil. He argues that meaning is found in voluntary sacrifice for a greater purpose.

Rule 8 : Tell the truth—or, at least, don’t lie

Peterson discusses how language can be used to manipulate. He describes "life-lies" – attempts to manipulate reality to achieve a desired outcome. He uses the example of someone who avoids conflict at the cost of meaning. He emphasizes the importance of saying "no" when necessary and the dangers of always saying "yes." He contrasts authenticity with inauthenticity. He argues that the prideful mind is tempted to ignore error.

He suggests that instead of lying, we should set ambitions, even if uncertain. He emphasizes that better ambitions are related to character and ability rather than status and power. He argues that an aim provides structure for action, reduces anxiety, and defines progress.

Rule 9 : Assume the person you are listening to might know something you don't

This rule emphasizes the importance of active listening and intellectual humility. Peterson argues that we should approach conversations with the assumption that the other person might have valuable insights or perspectives that we haven't considered. This doesn't mean blindly accepting everything they say, but it means being open to the possibility of learning something new. It requires setting aside our own biases and preconceptions and genuinely trying to understand the other person's point of view. Peterson connects this to the idea of integrating new information into our understanding of the world, which is essential for growth and development.

Rule 10 : Be precise in your speech

Peterson argues that clear and precise language is essential for clear thinking. Vague or ambiguous language can obscure our thoughts and make it difficult to communicate effectively. He emphasizes the importance of taking responsibility for our words and using them carefully. He believes that by striving for precision in our speech, we can also improve the clarity of our thinking and our understanding of the world. This rule is also connected to the idea of telling the truth, as precise language is necessary for accurately representing reality.

Rule 11 : Do not bother children when they are skateboarding

This rule is about recognizing and respecting the natural inclinations of children, particularly boys. Peterson argues that boys have a natural tendency towards rough and tumble play, which is important for their physical and social development. He cautions against overly restrictive or protective parenting that stifles this natural inclination. He uses skateboarding as an example of a risky activity that can help boys develop courage, resilience, and other valuable qualities. He emphasizes the importance of allowing children to take risks and learn from their mistakes. This rule is not advocating for reckless behavior, but rather for allowing children the freedom to explore and develop their own capabilities.

Rule 12 : Pet a cat when you encounter one on the street

This seemingly simple rule encapsulates many of Peterson's ideas. It's about appreciating small moments of beauty and joy, even amidst suffering. It's a reminder to be present, find meaning in the everyday, and acknowledge the value of even the smallest creatures. It's about finding balance and gratitude. It's a call to appreciate the simple things in life and to find joy in the midst of chaos